Dear Mama, I find it nearly impossible to believe that it's now nearly a year since you passed out of this earthly life and left us in our terrible sorrow over losing you. The months have flown by, and they have included all the sad "firsts" that everyone tells you will continue to break your heart after the loss of a loved one. The first holidays. The first birthdays. The other special occasions that come along only to remind you still again of that loss. Your birthday last September was difficult. Thanksgiving and Christmas even more so, especially Christmas. When it came time for Easter last month, I was reminded that it was Easter 2008 that we last went to Mass at St. Michael's together. You looked so well and happy that day, and, as we left church, Father Keyes told you to keep up the good fight! But, by far, the most difficult day among all these "firsts" is today --- Mother's Day. The first one in my life that I had to remind myself NOT to go and pick out a card to send you. This week has been very sad, because everybody has been talking about Mother?s Day, and all I could think about was how ill you were only one year ago at this time. You spent your last Mother?s Day at Northeast Rehabilitation Hospital, and I?ll never forget how sad that day was for you --- and for Bob and me as well. We both showed up at the same time that afternoon and took you outdoors in a wheelchair for some fresh air and sunshine. Bob brought you some flowers, and I gave you a little Angel of Prayer figure to add to your angel collection. As sick and pained as you felt that afternoon, you wanted to go for a ride in my car and do a little shopping at Kohl?s. It broke my heart that I could not take you out for some enjoyment on your special day, but I?ll always believe you knew that day that your time was drawing short. I have that little angel figure on my kitchen island, next to one of your plants, so I relive that Mother?s Day every day. As bittersweet as those memories are for me, it?s why Mother?s Day will always be a bittersweet day for me, too. Next week will bring another ?first? that I wish I could pass up. The first birthday in my life without you, Dad or any of the others in our immediate and extended family who mean so much to me. On my birthday last year, I went with you to the hospital for your radiation treatment. I remember what terrible pain you were suffering that day and how you told the ambulance attendants that it was my birthday. With all the moments I?ve experienced feeling like an ?orphan? over the past year, it will be next Thursday that hurts the most in that way. We will have the Saturday afternoon Mass at St. Michael?s on May 23rd said for you, Dad and all of our loved ones who went back to heaven before us. On the one-year anniversary of your passing, we will honor and pray for you and Dad and all of them, as we did for Dad all those years, 35 of them now, since he left us. Rest in peace, Mama. Your battles and cares are over now. Eternal life with Jesus and His saints is your reward. You are the best of the best, so you?ve earned it! I?ll love you always. Son forever, Ray
