Steve Recalls Eric in Massachusetts
I will capture some recent memories since I am really the primary channel for these.
Dad moved to the Edgewood continuing care retirement community in Feb 2021 (Mom passed in Sept 2019). There was a lot of arm twisting associated with this, but sometimes you do what you must do. Dad started with a 1-bedroom independent-living apartment but fairly quickly ‘graduated’ to an assisted living situation where he had what would be the equivalent of a large hotel room in a group setting with 4 ‘pods’ of 10 rooms each. In the summer of 2025, his care needs dictated a move to the on-site skilled nursing facility where he had a pleasant private room.
A few weeks before dad passed, we had a couple of days of warm sunny weather. The sort of weather you expect by mid-April, but it was an unexpected pleasure in early March. I had helped dad with lunch, as I often did (of course if I hadn’t a staff member would of). After lunch I looked out at the sunny patio area and asked if he would like to go out. An immediate yes. It was maybe 65 but bright and sunny. The staff was not quite ready for this weather since there was no furniture out there. I just stood next to him as he dozed off in the sun. After 20 minutes or so I asked if he had enough sun yet. An immediate no! Well, OK. I certainly had nothing more pressing to do. A bit after that a hospice aid came looking for us. The 3 of us chatted for a while and I took my leave. Not sure exactly how long he was out there. So cool that he got some Sun in 2026!
Dad really enjoyed the letters he received from my Aunt Nancy. The last one came about a week before he passed. At this point he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. I asked him if he would like me to read the letter and he assented. But, believe it or not, he read every other one up to that point. We talked about all the letters, so it was clear he was reading with comprehension.
Dad also enjoyed the many photos and videos shared from my phone. This included a lot of material on his 3 great grandchildren. These never failed to get a smile. But lots of other material too. He got a kick out of our videos of blasting behind the house, our many trips. etc. For example, I recently showed him a picture of parallel tracks on the road maybe 10 inches apart. It turns out that this was brine put down in advance of a storm. He understood and thought it fascinating. Also, the remote family events that he was, sadly, just not able to attend. I sometimes felt a little bad showing this material because I know how much he would like to have attended. In the 5 years that he was basically imprisoned at Edgewood (nice as it is), he never once voiced a complaint about this. He made it easier for us than many might of.
Dad *was* sort of imprisoned at Edgewood, but he had many paroles. Most often to my house, but sometimes to a restaurant or for a walk around the town common. Many wonderful memories from these outings. One of the last of these outings was to a favorite local restaurant to celebrate his 95’th birthday with Cindy and Dave.
I am not an expert in this, but Dad’s form of dementia was primarily around recall. The personality, memories, and logical thought seemed to largely still be there; just sort of difficult to get to. If I brought up a subject. Almost any subject, he could relate to it and have something to say about it. He was intrigued by the fact that our new house has large LVL beams in the attic and 12” thick poured walls in the basement. Many interactions like this. So, you learn to work with it. Challenging at times, but also rewarding because, with just a little work, we were having a conversation almost like old times. These were small blessings. He maintained his personality and sense of humor, and to the end, he recognized family members.
Dad enjoyed the head’s up I provided about upcoming visits. It is a bit unlikely he remembered by the time the visit came, but he was enjoying the prospect of the visit “in the moment.” It also seemed that most of the time he recalled the visits after the fact. I was present for many of these visits, but certainly not all of them. One thing dad particularly enjoyed was listening to “banter” between family members. Occasionally he would join in; but mostly he just listened with a smile on his face. These group visits really worked well.
Dad was not a quitter. We see that in the obituary. It was certainly true after his left-side stroke in the fall of 2021. He worked through all the PT, regaining significant function. It was also true at the end. I am not particularly spiritual, but it is like the decision was made for him.
